If you could magically get rid of your stutter, would you?
In honor of National Stuttering Awareness Week, I wanted to write about a common question pondered by people who stutter. “If you could magically get rid of your stutter, would you?”
If you would have asked me this when I was younger, I would have probably said “yes.” If you ask me this now, I would say “no.” And, to be clear, I am not suggesting that all people who stutter should be answering “no”. This is a personal question that each person who stutters has a right to answer in whatever way feels right to them. This blog post is speaking from my perspective, my point of view, my opinion.
As I’ve gotten older, hopefully more wise, and experienced different stages of life thus far, I can see more clearly how stuttering has molded me into the person I am today. Stuttering is part of my identity, who I am, and impacts how I see the world and make sense of it. If my stutter was stripped from me, I don’t think I would be where I am today professionally or personally.
Stuttering helped me grow up more aware and sensitive to other people’s struggles. I remember having a soft spot in my heart for others who struggled, no matter what the issue was, being teased at school, making a mistake in sports, or walking by those in need on the street. I could feel that innate drive to comfort and support, something that would eventually translate into wanting to become a counselor.
Stuttering has taught me how to be more resilient and tough as I realized at a young age that I enjoyed talking and being with other people. If I wanted to be true to myself and feed my need for social interaction, then I would have to figure out a way to still communicate or sit back in silence, stay in my head, and slowly withdraw from the world. Luckily, I would say that my stutter is mild and not nearly as impairing as it can be for other people who stutter. If you know me in some capacity, you probably know that I am outgoing and will not let stuttering get in the way of that. I can thank stuttering for pushing me to stay true to who I am.
In my opinion, stuttering opened the door for connection to other people, notably my clients. I tell all my clients upfront that I stutter and they are welcome to ask any questions. I’ve found that not 1 of them have had a problem w/ it and at times, clients will tell me they know someone who stutters. Even further, I get the sense that my disclosure about stuttering is an indirect way of being vulnerable and modeling what my client came to counseling to do: be vulnerable, heard, and talk through their own thoughts and feelings. To be more blunt, I wonder if some of my clients say, “if this guy stutters and has something ‘wrong’ with him, I can probably talk to him. He gets it.” I think it becomes easier for my clients to open up and build a relationship w/ me because of my stutter that I choose to not hide and wear on my sleeve. I would encourage you to watch a TED Talk by Christopher Constantino, PhD who talks about “Stuttering, Vulnerability, and Intimacy” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7n3YS7GdQ0k). Dr Constantino illustrates my point in a very relatable way.
I would like to summarize this blog by saying this: my perspective about stuttering comes down to my decision to view stuttering in a positive, growth mindset way. I could have easily written a blog about why stuttering sucks and what hardships it has brought on; in the end, how I choose to view stuttering, work, paying bills, financial worry, a flat tire, etc solely depends on my mindset. Mindset research confirms that mindsets can change and evolve. I encourage you to consider how you view or perceive a stressor in your life and check yourself. Do you have all the facts? Is there another way to look at it? Changing your mindset may not change the situation or stressor, but it could change your relationship to the situation or stressor. I can say firsthand, my relationship to stuttering has changed based on my mindset. What’s your mindset?
