What Other People Think of You…
“What other people think of you is none of your business.”
~ Regina Brett
I had to re-read this quote a few times through and let it simmer in my mind to fully grasp this one. Anyone out there a “people pleaser?” Join the club. I’ve been an honorary member for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I remember wanting to be liked, included, probably due to my stuttering and wanting to be accepted. I also hated conflict, especially between people, and never wanted to upset anyone. I feared making someone mad and then thinking they were upset w/ me and didn’t like me. I couldn’t imagine trying to fall asleep knowing that someone was upset w/ me and didn’t like me. It has taken me a long time to slowly create space from that people pleasing tendency.
Regina Brett struck gold w/ this quote. How liberating it can be! If you think about it, you will never truly know what other people think of you because you cannot read their minds nor guarantee that people are being honest and telling you the truth. Our brains are hard wired to take shortcuts if possible and this is where common thinking errors or cognitive distortions come into play. Common thinking errors include “mind reading” or “jumping to conclusions.” All humans make these thinking errors and it is up to us to become more aware of them to challenge and change these thoughts.
Therefore, in the context of this quote, take time to think about how often you use up brain power and time during the day wondering what others think of you. At times, could this be useful? Yes, absolutely. And, I would cautiously say that most of the time, assuming safety is not a concern, focusing on what other people think of you is a waste of time and deviation from focusing on the present moment. As I’ve said in past posts, “Get out of my head and into your life” (Thanks Dr Steven Hayes, PhD). Would you really want to know and even control what other people think of you? How exhausting that would be! You would be burned out in a heartbeat because there would be too much to do. Plus, if someone has a problem w/ you or dislikes you, that is THEIR problem, not yours. That person is choosing to expel energy and time on you that you have no control over. You win by letting go of the rope and accepting that you will have supporters and haters. It is up to you to decide where you focus your attention.
